I’m mad at you! I’m mad at me! I’m mad that I too find myself self-censoring. I’m sure you’ve noticed, like me, that lots of people just don’t tell the truth anymore, and I’m not only talking about trump. It’s become more important to be agreeable than to be honest. Professionally, co-workers seem to acquiesce in group settings only to pursue their own agendas later or complain to each other. And I have to admit and hate that I’ve adopted some of that same posturing, even though I loathe it.
I removed a male cousin’s inappropriate behavior in the metoo blog (See, I am still not mentioning his name). I was recently upset with my ex attempting to devalue my counseling fees and asking for ‘free’ services for his kid, but I didn’t want to post on Facebook in case he might see it (and that would have been passive aggressive on my part anyway). Even if I hadn’t named him, Andy would know. Because I’m disappointed in my kids (and now they may see this if they read my blog) when I got nary a card on my birthday even though I kept mentioning it and they were with me as I bought a card and present for my mom in the same week. And yet I haven’t asked why, preferring to stew for a week before letting go.
These recent examples make me wonder whether, in our quest for centeredness and balance and unselfishness, we have become pushovers in the name of peace, just far enough that those who do ‘push’ knock us over as easily as dominoes? What is at the core of the need to agree at all costs, even when we know something or someone is wrong?
In junior high, I remember when my very religious English teacher Mrs. Brown told students “your parents are always right, even if they’re factually wrong because they’re our elders.” People spouting untruths (bullshit) back in 1978.
Choosing the path of least resistance fosters complacency and disengagement. So many of us don’t know how to change or improve or attribute a rut to forces outside our control. Inertia is why we are saddled with a president like trump.
I posit that we’ve actually become less real. We spend so much time, as social media has proven, putting our best face forward trying to look the most positive or the most successful or the most fun – that we lack balance. In putting the right foot forward, we’ve forgotten there’s a left. There’s a right. And a wrong. There’s the truth and the lie. That’s the elephant in the room. The unstated. We’re out of step, out of line. Off balance.