The Conundrum of Me

Routines, routines
That’s all life seems;
I think I’ll go
pursue my dreams.

The beginning of a poem I wrote in high school in the early 80’s appropriately reflects how I still feel today.

When I was younger, all I knew was that, when I grew up,  I didn’t want to do the same thing twice.  I never wanted to repeat.  At the time, the only profession I thought never repeated was acting.  You never make the same movie twice (well…I stand corrected on that front).  But acting didn’t work out.  What I do professionally is manage projects and, for the most part, those things don’t repeat.  We didn’t move offices twice.  We didn’t migrate a journal twice and we didn’t implement new content management systems more than once either.  At least not at the same company. Or the same content.

So, in some ways, I feel that I’ve met my goal. (aka rationalization)

As is my habit to observe and my inclination to identify patterns, I’ve noticed a few things about my current co-workers.  we don’t have assigned spots in our underground parking structure, yet I know of at least two people who call specific spots ‘theirs’.  They actually get upset when others park there. I have noticed these same folks sit in the same chairs in the same weekly meetings.

I park in the first open spot.  I sit in whatever chair will balance out the room or sometimes whatever is available because I’m late.  Or maybe the corner seat next to the door because I have to leave early.

But most of us are creatures of habit.  From our children’s first breaths, we parents are supposed to provide routines for our kids.  Routines provide stability, trust, comfort, safety, surety.

In any other situation, I avoid those words by having never held the same job more than 3 years.  I’ve never lived in the same dwelling for more than 4 years and I’ve lived in 7 states; my kids lived in 4 states by the age of 4! (And we weren’t fugitives!) In recent years have my averages are getting higher as I increasingly stay longer and live longer at certain places, but still not long.

Why?  I get bored.    I think words like explore, new, introduce, learn, adjust and create are more exciting words.  Those are words that get me moving, that fire me up!  I want to become a bookbinder, make paper, start a card company!  I want to try standup comedy or comedy writing! Write a novel! Live in a different country!

Thirty years later and I feel like I’m in the same predicament as I was in high school. How did that happen?  Puzzling.

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